Practicing Patience

About seven weeks ago I slipped, fell and broke my ankle. I had to get a cast and a pair of crutches and have been under instructions to rest and not place any weight on the injured leg. Looking past the pain and discomfort of the break itself (which was ridiculous…Ouch!!) I now had to start the road of recovery, learning how to walk with crutches, being creative with getting myself around and trying to accomplish everyday tasks (clearly taken for granted in my pre broken ankle life). Realising a little too starkly that what I could do was drastically and I dare say dramatically restricted. My mind and my body were (oh who am I kidding.. still are) at war, because for this ultimate life juggler, doing and being all things everyday, all day and always needing to be in control, I now can barely take care of myself and am forced to calm my mind (as best as possible) and learn to give up control, rely on others and yes the big one…ask for help!

This period of recovery (which is not over yet) is teaching me many lessons, too many for one “note to self”. This note though is on the lesson of having patience, do we really have the patience that life requires?

PRACTICE PATIENCE

Dear Self,

If you asked me seven weeks ago whether I had patience, I would have easily answered “Uhm yes…I’m a mom, that’s a given!”. And many of us whether we are parents or not have all exercised patience in our interactions with others, in the many situations that we are faced with that require a pause and perhaps being a bit gracious. The line at the cashier, the wait at the doctor’s office, the longer than necessary story from a relative or the wait for your food to arrive at the restaurant. We have done it, yes we are capable and yes we have patience.

Ok, but what about the things that require more time? The longer term end goals that require from us more than a few minutes or hours of grace. The weeks, months or even years wait… like “going natural” growing out that hair, or healing from a bone fracture, or waiting for the new business to start making money. Sometimes it feels like watching grass grow.

The definition of patience is to have the capacity to accept that delay or trouble or wait without becoming annoyed or anxious. Much easier said than done. But when we give of our personal best towards that end goal, we do our part and put in the work, and of what we can control we ensure that we make the right decisions… the rest of it, how it ends up, how long it takes…. the fate of it, requires us to dig deep and have faith, acceptance and…. patience. Virtues that are life long works in progress for most of us.

Today and everyday I will try to practice patience with grace and will ask for “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

XOXO

Elle

 

One thing at a time

My boys have this ridiculous habit of always trying to carry out tasks with something already in their hands. Like trying to pour a glass of juice from the carton with an action figure in one hand or attempting to button up their shirt with a handful of LEGO pieces. I constantly have to be telling them “Hey put that down so you can <insert said task> right!” Then I end up explaining to them that you need to set one thing aside in order to do the task at hand effectively, not to mention avert possible disasters like spilled juice or other calamities too numerous to mention. To this I am usually met with rolled eyes and assurances that they can function just fine doing more than one thing at a time and it irks me to no end as I watch them struggle and take twice as long to do whatever it is and further to deal with the mishaps that their “juggling” has led to.  I can’t help but wonder though whether this bothers me so much because it is a reflection of my own habits. Are my boys just emulating the behaviour that they have observed in me?

JUST DO THIS ONE THING

Dear Self,

Whilst we don’t all walk around with LEGO pieces and action figures in hand while we carry out our many activities, can we actually say that in our busy and filled days that we aren’t almost always multitasking. Isn’t that what we pride ourselves at being able to master, doing many things at once, being productive, busy, super, extra….. handling it all.  Although we do manage to accomplish many feats during the day, juggling several things at once, with smart phones or other devices in hand do we stop to consider our own “mishaps” caused along the way.

If we are doing more than one thing at a time, then none of it gets our full attention, our full focus and full presence. That means that our standard output for our many accomplishments is mediocre, yes I said it….as in, not our best. Now whilst you may be rolling your eyes just like my boys right now and thinking “ofcourse I can handle it all” do we really look back at the wake of our multitasking and box checking of all our “done” deeds. How effective and productive have we really been, are the outcomes of our efforts a reflection of our capabilities, did we just get by today, exhausted and worn, likely to repeat tomorrow.

There will always be distractions in our lives, it is certainly not practical to lock ourselves away  literally doing one thing to completion before we start another, but don’t we owe it to ourselves and to those around us that we care about to focus and be present. Like put the phone down while we talk to our children or help them with homework, or wait till after we finish that report at work before checking through our mail. The homework and the report would take twice as long with the other things that we are occupied with and in the end neither of them would be our best or got our full attention.  How many moments to connect have we lost through multitasking, how many opportunities to impress with our talents have we lost through rushing our work, how many calamities have we caused because we didn’t put our “action figure” down before taking on a new task.

Today and everyday I will work on being fully present and focused on one thing at a time, I will present my best self as often as I can and be mindful of not missing out on the moments before me.

XOXO

Elle

 

 

 

Push Forward

I have wanted to start a blog for a while now, if I am honest its been a couple of years and I was never able to do it as I was waiting till I had it all figured out and perfect. To when I knew exactly what I was going to write, maybe even have written it all already, that everything was laid out and perfected and all I would have to do is press a button and BAM!…Blog site…

My 2017 resolution however was to just take the plunge and do it, which I did…even without one prewritten blog… I just did it and vowed to just figure it out as I went along. Turns out that the world didn’t come to a grinding halt….and I was able to start penning my thoughts and build a small collection of writings…enough to be convinced by my husband and close friends that it was time to let others see. So Elle got a Facebook page and other social media offerings and literally overnight hundreds are reading my stuff. I have to admit I was totally freaked out (and still am a little) and had a bout of “stage fright” quite frankly… It is terrifying to put yourself out there, but after a brief hiatus, I have managed to just press on.

Push Forward

Dear Self,

There are times when we find ourselves in foreign territory or pushed into a place that we think we weren’t quite ready for, it creates a moment when we have to choose, should we push forward or retreat. Whilst the latter may be simpler, safer and in some cases the obvious choice… what is it that prevents us from standing tall in the truth of our capabilities and choosing to step forward.

A lot of times it is fear, self doubt, scepticism of our own worth, capabilities and resilience. We are never placed in a situation that we are not equipped to handle; many of us in our own way have set our intentions for how we want to live our lives, what we want to achieve and who we want to become; the universe then aligns us with that destiny and it is for us to be brave enough to grasp it.

No one says it is easy and that everything works out in some fairytale type of way. We have all learnt by now that most things worth having are never attained without challenge and that  we are fated to experience, loss, failures, regrets and moments of pure embarrassment, but all of these along with the countless times that we also experience success and glory, forge within us the expertise to steer through, each of us in our own way on our own unique life journey. In the end we must ask ourselves whether we wish to remain in the realm of what is safe and known to us; or whether we are willing to try at something new and discover within in us the true extent of our talents and abilities.

Today and every day, I will not retreat, I will be brave, stay true to my intention and press on.

XOXO

Elle

PS Thank you everyone for the encouragement; the likes, shares and follows!!! You are all amazing!

Fuel Your Passion

This morning I was shuffling around in the kitchen making breakfast for the boys and one of my friends started messaging in our little group chat. She was so upbeat and was sharing about her plans and ideas that she was going to work on today to boost her “side venture”, the ultimate goal being that it will be sans “side” at some point in the future.

Her excitement and energy were beaming through the phone and it was undeniable that she was in her flow this morning, that this is something that she is passionate about and that this aspect of her life brings her joy. Despite the fact that the group conversation inevitably shifted to the topic of food, specifically this morning’s cravings for pancakes… my friend’s energy set a tone for all of us and added a spark to the start of the day. It made me think of what my plans were for my day and what I should be doing to fuel my own passions.

LIVE YOUR PASSION

Dear Self,
Many times we get used to our routine and comfort zones, that we can set ourselves to auto pilot for the day and get through just fine. On a weekend like this or on our times off, we get busy catching up on our “to dos” or in some cases, catching up on rest from a tiring week – both of which are necessities. But do we carve out the time to fuel our passions? To put some work into getting us just a little bit closer towards that dream… that vision we have floating around in our heads. The vision of our better selves, the one that is courageously pursuing that passion.

So many of us reside somewhere behind the barriers of “ If only I had more time” or “If I didn’t have to work..” or “My children <insert here any other responsibilities> won’t allow for this..” or “I will probably be no good at it anyway…” We confine ourselves to these walls built by our very own hands.  If we can admit that we make time for what is important to us… then isn’t feeding that inner yearning and allowing ourselves to fully explore who we are meant to be important?

To get there though, we have to step out a little, push ourselves a bit, we have to act on it. We have to try, we have to practice, we have to learn and we have to just do it. Whether this work we put in, manifests itself into finding that sweet spot of doing the thing we are passionate about for a living OR that we get to live our passion (whilst keeping that day job), we need to take the steps (albeit each of us at our own pace) towards our authentic self, the one that is buried beneath our fears, our routines, the expectations of others.
Today and every day I will put the time in to fuel my passion, whether today its an inch or a giant leap I will make a move forward towards my calling, my purpose and the life I am truly capable of living.

XOXO

Elle

Note to Self -Check My Circle

So the past few days have been really busy and demanding for me especially at work and as a result I didn’t publish any blogs for days. My husband noticed and all I could answer was I am just way too exhausted. Then yesterday I was chatting with my friend and found myself saying the same thing, I am so tired, so drained and so busy….. she listened like all good friends do then she told me that I should go read my own blogs. She asked me where is my “jelly cap” to preserve my mojo and why  am I not using my outlet (which is usually blogging) in order for me to recharge. Its not always great to be the recipient of your own advice …right back at you, but I couldn’t help feeling grateful. 

WHO IS IN YOUR CIRCLE?

Dear Self,

As we get older, our circle of friends start to dwindle ever so slightly, for some of us it was never large to begin with and for others it has reduced to a circle of one. Whatever your posse size at the moment; it may be a case of quality versus quantity. Are you surrounded by people who bring out the best in you? If we believe that we can be a product of our environment, this is extended to being the product of the company we keep. When we surround ourselves with people who thrive on negativity, who are comfortable with dwelling within their pessimism and are not concerned with aspiring for a better version of themselves, what are our expectations for us being any different?

It is not always something that we are conscious of, we like who we like, we relate to who we relate to. But do we ask ourselves why? Are we drawn to what we think we deserve due to our own insecurities and fears? Are we drawn to reflections of ourselves or do we have people in our circle out of a sense of obligation? Do we think about the type of company we keep and I dare say, the type of company we are to those around us?

When we think about the people around us who we care about, those chosen and handpicked  relationships and friendships that we have nurtured and that we cherish.  Is  there room for us to have higher standards for the quality of these friendships? Can we be positive influences on each other, lift each other up, encourage each other to dream big without fear. Can we push each other to be better, to be courageous, do more, explore that passion, be each others cheerleaders?

Today and going forward can we take stock of who we surround ourselves with, who is in our circle and make a conscious effort to not only surround ourselves with positive influencers but to also BE a source of motivation to the ones we care about as well.

XOXO

Elle

Special thanks to my friend; our talk inspired me to write tonight. 

Let it Out!

Last night after a trying day (which day isn’t) I was sitting on my bed typing and trying to formulate my thoughts, to pen a blog post. This was proving very difficult as Lyle was literally having an emotional meltdown. Every little thing seemed to trigger a full blown cry fest, including loads of snot and uncontrollable coughing. Nothing he said was intelligible and nothing seemed to soothe him. As a tired mom, unless your child is hurt or the apocalypse is upon us this type of hollering is just “pull out your hair” frustrating.

I looked at him after what was probably the sixth outburst for the evening and just sighed, experiencing a mix of resignation, empathy and honestly, a bit of envy. I could see that he was just totally emotionally maxed out, whatever got him to that point of feeling so overwhelmed had gotten the better of him and he was just letting it pour out. I could relate, there have been so many days when I wish I could just let it all out like that, cry it out and holler (with snot and all). 

HAVE AN OUTLET

Dear Self,

As much as I was able to empathise with Lyle, it is not really an option for me to walk around having a meltdown every time I feel overwhelmed and overdone with the stresses of life. So what is the alternative? How do we strike that balance between on one end of the spectrum, bottling everything in like a ticking time bomb and on the other, letting it all hang out true meltdown style. There must be a healthier way for us to be able to let go of the burdens of our days, an outlet for us to find release and renew to push on to the next day.

We all have something, this one thing (for some of us its more than just one) that brings us joy, it brings us serenity. Whether it is meditation or art, or it can be yoga or exercise like going for a run. Listening to music , writing a blog, or chatting with a friend. For some of us its spending time with others and feeding off of the energy that they give, for some its alone time where we can be reflective and recharge. We all have something, yet many of us find ourselves too busy to use our outlets, sometimes we guilt ourselves for carving out that “me” time because of the never ending list of things we could be otherwise spending our time completing or the many other obligations that we have to fulfil. We put off the opportunities to discard our woes and find some peace and pleasure in the things that renew us. In the end though, when we deprive ourselves of that outlet we all run the risk of having a Lyle moment (or moments) at maybe the most inopportune times  and becoming so overwhelmed and stressed that it consumes us.

Today I will make the time to find my outlet and release my troubles, I will allow myself to let it out, exhale and breathe in a fresh start….enjoy a moment doing something that brings me peace and reset for tomorrow!

XOXO

Elle

 

You Got This!

Yesterday morning I was driving the boys to my mom’s house (they were both sick and she was minding them for the day). My eldest son Lyam (age 7) was just a constant stream of idle chatter in the back seat, spewing random facts and arbitrary observations, with Lyle chiming in occasionally. Typical, yes, but yesterday I had a really important meeting that morning, I had to pretty much present my Company’s case in an industrial dispute matter and quite frankly I was beyond nervous. As per any morning that I have anything stressful going on at work (which is like everyday) I woke up with a knot in my stomach considering all of the catastrophic possibilities that could occur. These along with my mastermind strategies to counteract them are all juggling around in my head; a whirlwind of thoughts, whilst focusing on driving and trying to remember my points for the meeting. 

So needless to say I was not too impressed with the backseat chatter and asked Lyam to just chill and went further to explain to him that Mommy has an important meeting today and I need to concentrate and prepare my mind. Can he please give me some quiet? His response was “Mommy don’t worry…. You Got This!” with a wink and a thumbs up. 

SELF DOUBT BE GONE

Dear Self,

How many times have we doubted ourselves and our abilities and allowed negative thoughts to totally cloud our outlook of the situation before us. Even prevent us from truly experiencing and participating in our circumstance because we are so caught up on getting it right and proving our inner critic wrong. We worry so much about meeting (or rather exceeding) the expectations that we set for ourselves that we don’t acknowledge or even celebrate our strengths.

This is all to familiar to me, despite knowing that I am good (no..great) at what I do and that I have years of experience and qualifications to support that, I can’t help but put myself through the ordeal each time of doubting my abilities. Why isn’t it my default to see myself through the endearing eyes of my Lyam, owning and exuding the confidence that he so clearly sees.

We all are where we are at this moment as a culmination of our choices, experiences, talent and hard work. Whether we failed, succeeded or muddled through, we did it through our own efforts. Whatever we are facing today is OURS and we can handle it, because we are equipped with the wisdom of the sum of all our past experiences. Even when we are facing an unknown, or something out of our control, we have the skills to navigate through it. The innate expertise to make it through to the other side of our fears, OUR way, which despite the outcome, will always be the right way.

So today and hopefully everyday going forward, I will set aside my self doubt and know that I am the only person in this whole world with the expertise to live MY life. I Got This! no matter what.

XOXO

Elle

PS   –   The oh so important meeting got postponed; my drive to work could have been better spent enjoying quality time with my boys. 

 

 

Mind My Mojo

A few nights ago, my youngest son Lyle (age 4) came to my bedside before bed and announced with much despair to me and my husband that he had lost his  jelly cap. Like many of my conversations with Lyle it was necessary for me to seek clarification on yet another new term…”jelly cap”. He proceeded to explain in the most patronising tone, that his jelly cap (pointing to the top of his head) is what seals in his mojo, like who doesn’t know this right. “What is your mojo Lyle?” He explained that his mojo is what makes him good at stuff, makes him sing well, dance well and makes him, well, his awesome self. Now, with the loss of his jelly cap, he may be at risk of losing some of his mojo during the night. A crisis of great proportions before bedtime. As much as by now I am getting used to these scenarios and regardless of how amusing my husband and I thought it was, I couldn’t help but wonder if Lyle was on to something and the laugh may be on me.

ARE WE MINDING OUR MOJOS?

Dear Self,

When we really think about it, we all have a set of intrinsic characteristics that make us uniquely us, the talents and gifts that we were born with, those that we have spent years crafting and fine tuning, the attributes that make us “good at stuff” and who we are.  So do we arm ourselves with jelly caps to protect our mojo; or do we let our mojo seep or even spill out at will? Do we allow others to dictate what our mojo should be, how we fill up, how we store it and how much of it we should share. Do we let society and our peers drain our mojo and mould us into stereotypical, cookie cutter versions of ourselves that our current culture and era dictates us to be, expects us to be, is comfortable with us being?

It made me wonder about the status of my mojo, how well I am minding it. In our busy schedules of juggling all that we are, in my case a morph of wife, mom, executive, daughter, friend (the list is endless as I  am sure yours is too), do we take time to mind ourselves? Should we be working on being in tune with our uniqueness, who we are really at the core, and harnessing our special talents and passions. How much time do we spend on nurturing ourselves, our minds, our spirits, our emotions. If I am honest with myself, the answer is no time at all, this is definitely an area that I struggle with daily. Ensuring that I keep true to who I am meant to be and the beautiful talents that I have to offer. I need to spend more time on finding these, feeding them and by all means arming myself (with jelly caps or otherwise) to protect and save my uniqueness.

It is definitely easier said than done; but perhaps as a revolutionary thought, maybe as our nightly ritual (or whatever time of day suits you) we should sit in our quiet and be grateful for who we are, hone in on what brings us joy and focus on not only protecting this but also on nurturing it some more. 

XOXO

Elle

By the way in case you were wondering, Lyle found his jelly cap under his bed…all is right with the world.